


the ten times you said you loved me (and the many more times when you didn't say it)

by violetblossoms



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Dark Forest Battle (Warriors), F/F, Oneshot, alternates between fluff and angst, because there are bound to be some cats that we don't ever see in canon, competition entry for fallenclan, no definitely the longest thing i've ever written, probably the longest thing i've ever written, the main characters are just ocs inserted into canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:41:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29638260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetblossoms/pseuds/violetblossoms
Summary: Aldertrill sat there with her mate until the sun went down and it came up the next morning, for the last time. She sat there and she worried, she sat there and made peace, but she sat there through silence and yet she was not alone, because for one last time, Slatechirp would be there to catch her when she fell.
Relationships: Original Character/Original Character
Comments: 5
Kudos: 4





	the ten times you said you loved me (and the many more times when you didn't say it)

**Author's Note:**

> oh god this is finally out ahhh. i procrastinated, and I'm literally just relying on my spellcheck to make sure there are no coherent errors. also this is eleven words over the limit don't kill me please... *raises arms in defense*. (actually nope, not anymore, i left something in and now that it's out it's safely under 5k words! phew.) 
> 
> not really anything you need to know except that Aldertrill and Slatechirp are my own characters who I inserted into a canon situation (the Dark Forest battle), and that fallenclan is really, really awesome. also that reviews are very nice.
> 
> enjoy!

It was hard to imagine that, in a few days’ time, the whole of RiverClan territory would be a battlefield soaked with red. But according to Slatechirp’s friend Cinderheart of ThunderClan, that was exactly what would happen.

Aldertrill tried to be positive, to see some kind of bright side to this, but she just couldn’t. Slatechirp could be dead, Aldertrill could be dead, even worse, they’d be alive and the Place of No Stars victorious. Any future without Slatechirp in it would be the most unbearable of them all. If the cats from the Place of No Stars weren’t so clever and manipulative, then maybe she’d be fine. Her and Slatechirp would be happy together, they’d live out the rest of their lives in peace, and that would be enough for Aldertrill.

Aldertrill had never considered herself to be of much importance. She stuck with her Clanmates at Gatherings, she barely talked to anyone, she never had any grand plans of deputyship or leadership. But she had found happiness with her mate; genuine happiness and yes, love too. She loved Slatechirp, that was true. Aldertrill was content with just that: a duty serving her Clan, a good life, and her mate by her side.

The Place of No Stars, however, threatened that all.

Aldertrill felt a warm body pressing next to her, and relaxed slightly. She would recognise the feeling of Slatechirp’s bushy fur anywhere. “Hey,” her mate’s voice sounded in her head. “Remember all the good times we’ve had. Don’t let the Place of No Stars take that away.”

Without looking, Aldertrill responded. “I’ll never let them take you away, I promise. I’ll die trying.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” Suddenly, Slatechirp twined her tail with Aldertrill’s, and Aldertrill could feel her mate’s gaze on her. She turned to Slatechirp, looked at the eyes of hers that surpassed any metaphor a younger and more foolish Aldertrill would have tried to come up with. “I love you even though the end is near.”

Aldertrill shook her head. “No, Slatechirp. Please don’t speak like that. You’re not gonna die. I’ve said it already, I _promise_ you that I’ll die before you will.”

Slatechirp ignored her comment. “How many times was that?”

Inside, Aldertrill smiled, even though she knew she shouldn’t, she should be concerned about Slatechirp saying that they end was near. “Eight,” she mewed. “That was the eighth.”

**-linebreak-**

_Aldertrill groaned at the sky as the clouds started pouring down on them from above. “Fish’ll be gone in this weather,” she complained. “Plus, I hate rain.”_

_“Yes, yes, you’ve said it so much,” Slatechirp acknowledged. “By now, I’m sure the entire world knows that you hate the rain.” Slatechirp said it herself earlier that day; she felt lighter, and it certainly showed from what Aldertrill knew. And that was a lot, seeing as the two had been mates for at least ten moons and courting for longer._

_Maybe Aldertrill should have kept track of the moons. But, if she was being honest, it didn’t really matter. Any and every moment that she spent with Slatechirp was a wonderful one, so why should she ruin the romantic atmosphere with an “we’ve been mates for seven moons now, good job us”?_

_No, it was always better this way. With her, and Slatechirp, nobody and nothing else required._

_Even, it seemed, when they were stuck in the rain._

_“How are we supposed to find our previous catches? Our way back to camp? The scents will have been washed out by now, you know.” Aldertrill knew that she was complaining just for the sake of complaining, but it felt good to get it out to someone who understood._

_“You’re just complaining for the sake of complaining,” dismissed Slatechirp, like she knew Aldertrill so well. (To be fair, she did.) Then she giggled. “You’re so_ wet _,” she pointed out. As if that had somehow escaped Aldertrill’s observations. “You look cute when you’re wet. Really adorable.”_

_Aldertrill let out a snort. “That may be so, but the fact of the matter is that I’m sopping right now, not just ‘wet’.”_

_“Okay, fine. You look adorable when you’re sopping.” Then she drew closer, her fur somehow dryer than Aldertrill’s. “I love you in the rain.”_

_Aldertrill tried not to draw back with shock. Inside of her were all the emotions possible, elation and nervousness and relief all at once. But instead of saying this, she merely stated a fact. “That’s the first time you’ve ever said you love me.”_

_“Is it?” Slatechirp seemed genuinely shocked at this._

_“Mmm-hmm. You’ve said everything from ‘can we be mates’ to ‘will my lovely warrior decide to give me cod or trout today.’ But never ‘I love you.’”_ Even though I’ve said those words a thousand times. _She didn’t move, just staying next to her beloved for a few more moments._

_That was the first time, and it made that storm a little more bearable. (Especially that night, while the storm still raged on, and Aldertrill and Slatechirp, pelts dry, cuddled together away from the storm.) But Aldertrill hoped that it wouldn’t be the only time._

**-linebreak-**

“I swear to StarClan, Aldertrill, you’re gonna make _me_ nervous at this rate. Calm down.”

Aldertrill turned to look at Slatechirp, stopping her pacing for a few moments. “Slatechirp, aren’t you worried? We could die in this battle! And I know we could die in any battle, but this one is going to be _massive_!”

“I know. But if these are our last days, wouldn’t you rather spend them in happiness?”

“You know I can’t do that.”

“I know,” Slatechirp sighed, “but I think you should try.”

**-linebreak-**

_Aldertrill had always been a worrier, really. It was an inevitable part of her. Slatechirp tried her best to calm Aldertrill’s nerves, but sometimes that wasn’t enough._

_It never stopped Slatechirp from trying, though. Thank StarClan for that._

_“Aldertrill,” she said today, “will you stop worrying for a second? Take a deep breath, maybe, see if that’ll help.”_

_Which she did. Aldertrill scrunched up her nose and breathed. Unfortunately, there were so many scents surrounding her that she picked up them instead of calming herself down. There was the scent of the moss on the rocks and the dew on the grass. There was the scent of fish that was inevitable in this Clan. Most importantly, though, she could smell the fragrance of the water lily that she had given Slatechirp the day before. Its scent still lingered on her mate._

_Then she opened her eyes again and began to worry. “It didn’t work.”_

_“Worth a try,” Slatechirp responded. “Still, I guess that’ll be fine. I love you when you get worried.”_

_Aldertrill tipped her head. “Is that supposed to mean that you love me exclusively then, or that you still do when I get worried?”_

_“You idiot. Of course I always love you.”_

_Aldertrill didn’t respond to that. She moved closer, happiness painted in her eyes. The worry wasn’t gone forever, but for now it was. That was the magic of Slatechirp. She always made it her job to make you happy._

_“That’s the second time you’ve said that,” she said, thinking back to that day in the downpour. That was nice. So was this._

_Slatechirp heaved a sigh. “Yeah. I’ve been trying to say it more, and I’m sorry because I don’t say it enough…” She trailed off uncertainly, and Aldertrill pressed into Slatechirp’s fur as a way of reassuring her, motivating her to finish. “I guess I’m just scared, really.”_

_Aldertrill nodded, not asking Slatechirp to elaborate. She knew what it was like to be alone with your fears. Because no matter how hard others tried, it wasn’t possible for them to overcome your fears for you._

**-linebreak-**

That day, at sunhigh, the two shared prey together. It was hard to imagine that, in a few days, the little things like this could be gone. Aldertrill and Slatechirp would no longer laugh together near the prey pile. They wouldn’t smile together, reminiscing old times and arguing affectionately over the nuances of life.

If they both lived…well, that was unlikely, from what Aldertrill had heard. If Slatechirp lived and she died, then Aldertrill would be sad, of course, but at least Slatechirp would still be alive and that would be enough for her. But if she was the one that lived, and Slatechirp died, she didn’t think she could take that.

That would be horrible.

She just wanted to remember the old times. What was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she do that, instead of thinking about the inevitably macabre future? As much as she’d love to answer that question, she couldn’t. There was no answer. She just _couldn’t_ stop, and that was that.

**-linebreak-**

_“Ooh, a salmon today,” Aldertrill announced. “Those are rare. Thank you, my lovely, strong warrior, for picking out the_ crème de la crème _of the fresh kill pile for me.”_

 _“For_ us _,” corrected Slatechirp. She dropped the fish down and snuggled up next to Aldertrill. They started taking bites of the fish, and Aldertrill sighed contentedly at this. The sun was on her fur, the prey was good, Slatechirp was here with her. Whatever happened tomorrow or the day after or in five moons time would happen then, but she’d remember the moments like this forever, because now life was good._

_Of course, in a few seconds Slatechirp was going to start talking about a memory of a time before this one, another time that seemed wonderful in comparison to all her days of worry. Aldertrill braced herself for this barrage of noise, savoring the silence for the few moments when it belonged to her._

_And, sure enough, then it came. “’Member when we were apprentices?” Aldertrill nodded lazily. “I was so excited to be an apprentice for a while, but isn’t everyone? And then, in my first three days of apprenticeship, my mentor had me cleaning out ticks from the elders five times, and I swore to myself then that if I ever had an apprentice, I would make them suffer just as I had._

_“But I realised that that wasn’t the point. It was to teach me, an overeager apprentice, patience and diligence. And I’m glad for it. Whereas_ you _, Perfectly-Behaved-paw, got to explore the territory and go on a border patrol on your first day as an apprentice. I was_ so _annoyed that I had heard of all the great things you did, and then didn’t get to do them immediately myself.” Slatechirp laughed, and Aldertrill smiled as well, too tired to speak. She remembered when Slatepaw had just become an apprentice, and how she was bursting with energy. To put it simply, ‘overeager’ was an understatement._

_But there was something else about Slatechirp’s words that spoke to her. The deeper meaning. The vicious cycle of making others suffer through what you had suffered. Not necessarily just because they did something to you, just because you wanted them to understand what it had been like._

_“You know, I asked to be named after you,” Slatechirp blurted suddenly._

_Aldertrill turned, slightly surprised at this new information. “Really? Why?”_

_“The usual. I respected you. Wanted to be like you. And I got my wish, I suppose. I got chirp, you got trill. They’re both song-related prefixes.”_

_“Are you sure that it was only_ respect _that made you want to be named after me?” Aldertrill asked, a teasing tone to her voice. But she also genuinely wanted to know. Not because she had a preference either way. It wouldn’t hurt her feelings if Slatechirp simply respected her then – in fact, that was probably a great honor. She just wanted to know._

_“Alright, you’ve got me,” Slatechirp mewed. “It wasn’t just respect. I loved you before you loved me. And don’t even try to argue against that one.”_

_Aldertrill didn’t. “That’s the third time you’ve said that you love me.”_

_Slatechirp snorted. “Out of everything, you’re keeping track of_ that _?” she asked._

Yes _, Aldertrill thought to herself. Because every time Slatechirp said that she loved Aldertrill, Aldertrill just fell in love with Slatechirp even more._

**-linebreak-**

That night, neither of them fell asleep.

Maybe they should’ve. Maybe they should’ve slept while they could, so they could appreciate how simple it was to sleep one last time. But Aldertrill was too nervous to sleep, and she knew (and loved) how Slatechirp always made sure that Aldertrill fell asleep first.

So they stayed where they were, awake, talking but silently. The silence was comforting, almost. It showed that, during their last few days, normalcy was still present.

Aldertrill wondered what it was like for Slatechirp. When Aldertrill died, would she have someone else? Would she be able to find someone else, or would that not happen?

Slatechirp’s parents had died early. She was an only kit. In other words, she had nobody else.

**-linebreak-**

_“Are we going to argue about something pointless today?” There was a mischievous tone to Slatechirp’s voice, and Aldertrill instinctively smiled. The two padded out of camp together, and while Aldertrill usually loathed dawn patrol, Slatechirp made anything bearable._

_“I love you,” said Aldertrill. It was so common for her to say it that it didn’t seem out of place, but she didn’t know what Slatechirp’s response would be. That was one thing that was never constant._

_This time, it was “I love you because you love me.”_

_“I love you because you love me because I love you.”_

_Slatechirp laughed. “That doesn’t even make sense!” she protested._

_“It makes_ perfect _sense,” Aldertrill argued. “That’s the fourth time, by the way.” They carried on. Overall, though, Aldertrill would say that it was one of the best dawn patrols she’d ever had._

**-linebreak-**

“Willowshine, do you think that the world will end tomorrow?”

Aldertrill’s friend looked at her. “Not particularly. Why do you say that?”

Aldertrill sighed. “The demon. It’s back, and probably to stay.” Willowshine didn’t respond for a while, just offered comfort. That was probably the best part of it. Willowshine was supposed to help her by talking to her, and figuring things out, but sometimes the silence that she gave helped Aldertrill more than any amount of talking could. Talking was Slatechirp’s area of expertise.

Speaking of. “Maybe you could talk to Slatechirp about it? She’s better with these things than me, honestly,” Willowshine suggested.

“I already have.” Neither of them slept at all last night, and in the morning they talked quietly together about it. But other than running away from the Clan (which Aldertrill was very tempted to do, but ultimately decided against), there was nothing they could do. Mistystar wouldn’t believe them if they told her that the dead cats of the past wanted revenge, and neither of them knew who they could trust.

They were trapped.

**-linebreak-**

_“It’s probable that you have an anxiety disorder.”_

_Aldertrill didn’t know that as little as eight words could ruin her life, but they did. They named the demon that caused her so much pain, but at the same time, Aldertrill would have preferred to not have a name for it because then she wouldn’t have to tell everyone about it. She couldn’t._

_But surprisingly, the look on Willowshine’s face wasn’t pitiful. It wasn’t sad. It was just like she was saying a fact (she was). But she still did offer support. “We can talk about it sometimes. I’ve heard of cats with it before, and I want to help you through everything I can.” Aldertrill nodded appreciatively before padding away. Right now, she just wanted to be alone._

_But, as usual, Slatechirp put a damper in that plan. She was standing outside the den, still happy and blissfully unaware of what had just happened. “How are you?” she asked. “Better now?”_

_Silently, Aldertrill shook her head._

_Slatechirp padded closer, offering comfort. “Hey, I’m sorry. If you want to talk to me, I’m always here.”_

_Aldertrill let out a sob, burying her head in her mate’s fur. “No, you won’t. Not after hearing it.” Without further prompting, she started talking. Telling Slatechirp about what had happened and lead to this diagnosis on Willowshine’s part._

_“Why would I hate you because of something like that?” Slatechirp asked when she had finished._

_Aldertrill blinked. “You—you don’t?”_

_“Of course I don’t!” Slatechirp protested. “That’s not how it works, Aldertrill. You could have killed five cats and it wouldn’t make a difference. I love you despite your anxiety disorder, and I always will, I promise.”_

That’s number five, _Aldertrill thought. But she didn’t say anything, just too happy that Slatechirp accepted her no matter what._

_“Okay, but seriously, you didn’t kill five cats, did you?” Slatechirp asked._

_Aldertrill laughed. “No, Slatechirp. I would never.”_

**-linebreak-**

Unfortunately, border patrols didn’t stop for the end of the world. Fortunately, Aldertrill got to go with Slatechirp.

While the rest of the patrol was quick, Aldertrill and Slatechirp hung back, observing everything again. Savoring life. Slatechirp had evidently given up trying to stop Aldertrill’s negative thinking, so she aided in another way. A better way.

They were splashing through a puddle when Minnowtail came up to them. “Are you two okay?”

“Why wouldn’t we be?” Slatechirp retorted.

“You’ve been lagging behind all this time. And I’m not going to report it or anything, just…why?”

“You never know which day could be your last,” Aldertrill said against her better judgement. At this, something in Minnowtail’s eyes softened and hardened at the same time. She went back to the rest of the patrol without saying anything else.

“Odd,” muttered Slatechirp. But ‘odd’ didn’t matter much to Aldertrill at the moment, so she tried to forget it. (Keyword: tried.)

**-linebreak-**

_The rain had left large puddles everywhere, and Aldertrill inwardly groaned. She liked water, but not when it splashed on you. Swimming was okay. Rain was not. Puddles were in that sort of in-between place._

_“Rain!” Slatechirp said. “Puddles! Yay!” She was just doing it to antagonise Aldertrill, but today Aldertrill promised herself that she would have a great day with lots of fun and not hate the rain for once._

Splash!

_…no. She wouldn’t, because she couldn’t._

_“Do you_ mind? _” Aldertrill glared at her mate. “You know I hate puddles, Slatechirp. Stop it.” Her mate paid no attention to this, though._ Splash! Splash! Splash! _She was getting more soaked by the second._

_“Slatechirp, please!”_

_“Ooh, these are lovely puddles! Perfect for splashing!” She jumped in literally every puddle around camp. “Should I go again, or—oh! There’s my lovely mate waiting for me! I better wish her a good morning!”_

_“Yeah, you better,” growled Aldertrill._

_Slatechirp padded up to Aldertrill, smiling, fake-oblivious to Aldertrill’s annoyance. “Hell-o, Aldertrill! My, you’re awfully wet today.”_

_Aldertrill snorted. “Yeah, I wonder why. I mean, I love you and all, but – ”_

_“Aw, don’t be like that,” Slatechirp said. “No buts. I love you because you love me, and you do it no matter what. Don’t take that away from me, Aldertrill.”_

_Aldertrill just rolled her eyes._ I could never stop loving you _was what she thought, but aloud she just said “That’s the sixth time you’ve said you love me.”_

**-linebreak-**

The sunset of the night before was every bit as beautiful as Aldertrill might’ve expected the last sunset of her life to be. Romantic, especially in the sense that Slatechirp was next to her. Sad, that something this beautiful didn’t last, couldn’t last, never lasted. Life was everywhere, in everything, it was beautiful and sorrowful, thrilling and heartbreaking. But somewhere in that, there was harmony.

“Tomorrow,” Aldertrill whispered. Neither of them spoke any further. Slatechirp didn’t ask anything. They both knew what she meant.

Aldertrill sat there with her mate until the sun went down and it came up the next morning, for the last time. She sat there and she worried, she sat there and made peace, but she sat there through silence and yet she was not alone, because for one last time, Slatechirp would be there to catch her when she fell.

When. Not if.

Finally, when the last rays of the sun showed their presence, the two of them looked at each other, and Aldertrill knew that even in StarClan she’d have this vision imprinted in her memory. Slatechirp broke the silence, speaking three simple words that weren’t previously worth anything near as much as they meant to Aldertrill now.

“I love you.”

“Nine.” In that moment, Aldertrill felt a pang of sadness. Would they make it to ten? Would they ever say that they loved each other again? But something she had to know. “So, what is it?”

Slatechirp looked confused. “What do you mean?”

“You always say something after it. What’s that this time?”

Slatechirp shook her head. “No. None of that. I don’t need to love a certain part of you or thing about you or have a condition to love you, do I? I just love you.”

Aldertrill smiled. “And I love you too.”

**-linebreak-**

_There were never any conditions. Slatechirp was right. Love didn’t work like that._

_Aldertrill always loved Slatechirp, since before they were warriors. She hadn’t realised it then, but she knew that later. That it had been from the beginning, that nothing would shake this. They would be happy together or not at all. Something had pulled them together – she wasn’t quite sure if it was fate or just chance – and Aldertrill would most definitely never let go._

_The seventh “I love you” came at a simple time. They were in camp, huddling together after a snowstorm, when Slatechirp leaned over and said to her, “I love you with no conditions.”_

_“Yeah, me too,” Aldertrill replied. “Seven.” She loved that Slatechirp had changed from someone who found it hard to say ‘I love you’ to someone who tossed it out so casually to Aldertrill. But even if Slatechirp didn’t, that would change nothing. Aldertrill would still love her the same. Unconditionally._

_Those were the good times, though. The times when they didn’t have to worry about battles against spirits or any other nightmarish horrors turned real. And Aldertrill wanted nothing more than to go back to those days._

**-linebreak-**

The morning, when it was announced that the Dark Forest was coming, only some cats were in shock. Aldertrill knew she should look as surprised as she was supposed to feel, but she had been preparing for her death the past three days. Some cats looked fierce, some ashamed (they were presumably training in the Dark Forest), some surprised. Nobody looked like Aldertrill thought she was: numb. Completely numb, having prayed to StarClan a million times over that this wouldn’t happen and yet here it was, completely and absolutely real.

“…and Aldertrill, if you’d join that patrol as well.”

Aldertrill looked to her left, where the other cats of the patrol were. Then she looked at Mistystar. “I’m not leaving.”

“Aldertrill – ”

“No. I’m _not_. I want to defend the elders and the kits. I want to stay at camp. _Please._ ” She didn’t tell Mistystar that she was practically giving her life away, and all she wanted in return was to be in a position close to Slatechirp. But Mistystar seemed to realise that this was what she meant, and thankfully let in.

“Fine. But you better work twice as hard.” Mistystar went on to replace Aldertrill, and Aldertrill took a moment to close her eyes and try to ground herself. In something. Whatever it would be.

Cats practised, cats let out their anger, cats prepared for battle. They were all under the illusion that they had time left, actual time, and Aldertrill thought that she would have time left too and she thought that she had made peace with the world and she thought that everything was going to be okay even if she died but as she stood there watching like an outside observer she realised that no, she didn’t want to die today.

“They’re coming.”

Whoever said those two words started the battle, and everything from then on was a blur.

She remembered staying by Slatechirp’s side at all times, them fighting together and getting injured but being okay in the end. Better than their opponents.

She remembered the frantic panic of literally everyone in camp as the Dark Forest cats rampaged through camp and destroyed everything.

She remembered the one Dark Forest cat, though, right outside camp, but she didn’t think that he was a Dark Forest cat at first because she recognised him.

Hawkfrost was not a villain.

But he was, because he launched himself at the two of them, spitting insults about how they had a happy life together and nothing he did ever amounted to something. Aldertrill braced herself for death. But Slatechirp was weaker, and Hawkfrost tore her to metaphorical pieces before advancing on Aldertrill. But he left her alive, and carried on to camp.

“Slatechirp…don’t be…dead…” she gasped, struggling for air. “Please…help…please…” It was too much effort to do anything, to stay conscious. Her body decided that the best thing to do at that moment was to black out.

The last thing she was aware of was Willowshine whispering “great StarClan, Aldertrill, you’re gonna be okay, I promise.”

She said nothing about Slatechirp.

But Aldertrill was unconscious before she could dissect this, and maybe it was bliss that she fell unconscious and everything blurred. Because she had nothing to remember, later on.

It was a twisted sort of luck, really. But that wasn’t to be helped. Because it was still there.

**-linebreak-**

Aldertrill regretted to inform the disbelieving part of her mind the fact that it didn’t really unblur.

Well, not really. She didn’t regret that so much as she regretted being alive when her whole plan of dying-to-save-Slatechirp counted on her not being alive.

She listened to the whispers, and although she couldn’t unblur and hear what they were truly saying, she knew what it was. Talking about her. Whether she would make it.

“Slatechirp?” she asked, finally, when they whispers and the blurriness and the everything were too much. She knows it already. She saw Slatechirp’s body. But she allowed herself a few moments, when they could label her _insane with grief_ , to speak to Slatechirp before her mate forgot her. “Slatechirp, thank you for being an amazing cat. I love you so much.” Present tense. Nothing could turn it into the past tense.

Of course, the _I love you so much_ reminded Aldertrill of Slatechirp’s _I love you_ s. The nine of them, so special. They broke Aldertrill’s already-shattered heart until each tiny piece was a million tiny pieces.

They had never made it to ten.

“You said you loved me in the rain,” Aldertrill whispered. “That first time. You made the rain bearable. For once.”

At this point, Aldertrill had begun to feel hazy, like the blurriness had combined with something else. What, she wasn’t sure. She saw the red start to pool around her and realised that this was passing out for the second time. That her life would be an infinite cycle of this from now on. Waking up in the medicine den, recovering, and just when she was getting better, make a silly mistake and end up unconscious in the medicine den.

She sniffed. “Slatechirp, I miss you.” Pause. “I love you.”

The world blurred, and then brightened. Everything was clear. She felt physically well again. Not just _well._ Everything was amazing, including the fact that her mother was back here again. Her fur was a lighter brown, and looked starry, but –

Oh.

“I’m so sorry, Aldertrill. I should’ve done something to help you fight back more, but – ”

Aldertrill shook her head. “I don’t want to go back. Not without Slatechirp.” It sounded like an unhealthy obsession more than a loving relationship, and Aldertrill knew that and hated herself for sounding so petulant. But that was the truth, and her mother had promised her that Aldertrill could say whatever with absolutely no judgement.

“Come with me.” Instead of turning to the sky, Aldertrill followed her mother to the river. “We jump in at the same time, and it carries us to StarClan. Ready? Three…two…one…” Aldertrill jumped, half-expecting the splash that came when she was alive. Instead, everything blurred for a second – she’d grown to hate blurs – and then came into focus as StarClan.

StarClan was breathtaking, a million times better than real life (even if she’s thinking about the normal-day real life, instead of the blood-soaked-battlefield “real life”). It was like the territories below, but the grass was lush and the trees were leafy and the water ran with the trickle that’s _just right_. Maybe it wasn’t everyone’s perfect, but it certainly was Aldertrill’s.

Only one sight completed this. Slatechirp padded up to Aldertrill, looking strong and healthy. She smiled. She was glad to see Aldertrill, and Aldertrill was just as glad to be with her.

She was right, then, when she was alive. _Love_ is in eternal present tense, even when it’s faded and withered away.

Aldertrill was terrified to see Slatechirp again, but Slatechirp didn’t seem so, so Aldertrill tried to relax. Slatechirp smiled at Aldertrill. Aldertrill smiled back, reflexively. She couldn’t do many of the things she did on land, like feel the brush of Slatechirp’s fur against her own. But she could be here, right now, and that was what she wanted.

“I love you when you have the stars in your fur.”

“That’s ten,” Aldertrill said, smiling, because _they made it to ten_. And suddenly, everything seemed like it was going to be alright.


End file.
